Wednesday, March 7, 2018

The Top 10 Signs That You Are Slow

15. You apologize to your bike after every ride.
14. You turn off Strava live segments on your Garmin.
13. You replace the batteries in all your power meters. You know, just in case they're reading low.
12. You stop all your rides at 58 minutes to avoid seeing your one hour critical power.
11. You wear your Castelli Speedsuit on your after-work rides.
10. You find it less depressing to measure your weight in kilograms and your speed in kilometers per hour.
9. You start whispering platitudes to yourself: "If you want to ride fast, you've got to ride fast!"
8. You blame it all on the firmware update that bricked your Tacx Neo for two weeks.
7. Instead of fantasizing about racing in the Tour De France, you fantasize about winning the Portland Bridge Pedal.
6. You lash yourself while looking at your power curve.
5. $100/W suddenly seems like a reasonable price when buying speed.
4. Instead of thinking of excuses to leave work early to ride, you think of excuses not to leave work early.
3. You point out that the time trial, and not the hill climb, is the Race Of Truth.
2. You seriously consider skipping the second donut at breakfast.

And the number one sign that you are slow:
1. You switch to mountain biking.